the person i like is....

In life, only one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes
No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions
You are going to make mistakes
You're going to hurt people
You're going to get hurt
And if you ever want to recover
There's really only one thing you can say

Forgive and forget, that's what they say
It's good advice, but it's not very practical
When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back
When someone wrongs us, we want to be right

Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled
Old wounds never heal
And the most we can hope for
Is that one day
We'll be lucky enough
To FORGET

- from Grey's Anatomy Season 4

My dog died yesterday. For almost a week he hasnt eaten that much. I already served his favorite sopas the other day but he didnt even touched it. I have been feeding him milk and made sure for the past 7 days that he is given ample vitamins to make him okay again.

But last Thursday night my brother told me that he might die the next day. I was trying not to hear him say those words.

But come Friday morning around 5:35 am my brother woke me up and told me " Wala na ung alaga mo"..

Di ako tumayo instead i stayed in bed, face flat on my pillow, and I cried. I stood up around 11AM, I wasnt able to sleep anymore. I checked Pampoo's little wood bed and it was empty. I dont want to ask what happened, where they placed him or how they did it. When they (my brothers) finally came home that night they told me that they wrapped him in an old blanket and placed him in a beer box. And lay him in the garden in the old abandoned school near Buendia.

I will miss Pampoo even if we only spent a year and 2 months together. When he was 6 months old the vets already told me he is too weak to last a year. But he stayed with me.

I would like to write more stuff about him but i dont think i can write it all today. I feel like crying already for I am thinking of things that I could have done when he was still here.

But hopefully he is happy in Dog Haven..

My Dearest Pampoo,

I will miss you and I am sorry for everything that I didnt do.
Dont you dare forget me. Say hello to Russel for me.
I care for you a lot.

Love,
Me...

For the last time I saw him today.

My closest friends here in the office knows that he is the one I really, truly like most. I was still a plain agent back then. He was a true blue budding supervisor. He speaks huskily and you have to focus when you are listening to him since he tends to speak in a very, very low tone.

I learned about his resignation thru Teri and of course even if they know that i like him, i was not able to express how sad I was to know about it. They say he is starting a business. He is broadening his horizons and applying what he learned from his freakin', expensive school.

I remember the time that I wanted to transfer to Cebu because he was there. (now it makes me laugh)Good thing it didnt push through because after a couple of months he was recalled to stay and be promoted here in Manila. And he was as bright as ever. He speak terms I cannot understand but i just love listening to him. I love realizing that he knows a lot of things. That he understands them by heart, and someone like him can never be fooled.

He is too good to be real. But he is real.

When he complains that he's exhausted with everything that he's doing, it makes me realize he is real. Just way too blessed.

Dont imagine that he has a great bod.
He doesnt have that.
He looks cute, but not that great looking.
No, he's no "artistahin"

But for me, (and a lot of other women) he is great.

An ex-boyfriend of my bestfriend told me once.
" If you like someone, you have to be as good, if not as better as that someone"

If thats the rule, then being with him is impossible.

I was the last person who saw him walking in the "floor" before he finally stepped out of this place we call "office". I opened the door for him, since he already surrendered his access cards and ID.

Him : Open please
Me : Bye ----, Good luck
Him: Goodluck sa magagaling nyong managers. Bye! See you guys when I see you.
Me: Bye!

Well..

I always talk about infidelity and how much it hurts me.
Just now I cannot even fathom how two people can be so happy, and way proud to show it to the entire universe when they actually hurted someone so badly. that it caused someone elses confidence, happiness, even dignity.

I was looking at alcee's pictures in friendster. i dont know for some stupid reason i keep on checking it out. is it to make sure i am updated about the things going on with her fu$*ing life so that i would know what to share with my friends? or to simply annoy myself. Her friendster account never fails to piss me! I dont know why for some reason when i checked it today, my chest tighten and i am finding it hard to breathe.

Is this what they call hate?

I hate Alcee that much that I cant even breathe just thinking about what she has done? That she makes me sick to my stomache?

That it feels way more painful than learning about my then boyfriend kissing my friend in my own room!

What do I feel right this very second. I feel like hurting her, like crying out loud. I want to paralyzed her WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS! She is nothing more but a bitch to me! She is A BITCH! Just like those MISTRESSES! Those THIRD PARTY WHORES!

How can they manage to go on with their lives as if they havent ruinded anyone else's life?

How can they even announce it to the whole wide world that they are proud of tearing someone apart for the sake of their happiness?

How can they manage to be happy at all?

I am trying to understand the way I feel.. For I do know that I dont have any right at all to feel all of these towards what happen to Jason and Alcee. Why do I have to be so affected with all of these. Do not take me wrong, I dont like Jason. For heaven sake he is not my type. He is a good friend, just like Alcee was to me before.

Maybe this anger is not just solely for Alcee.

Maybe this is for the fact that someone hurted someone by being infidel. Maybe its because someone has the guts to be happy in an instant irregardless the fact that the person they left almost lost himself to insecurity.

Maybe this anger is for everyone who have ruined someone's relationship, someone's dreams, someone's being, someone's family..

I hope someday even if Infidelity is a sin, God would still be able to explain it to me. And someone like me who completely does not understand it and would not want to understand it would accept His explaination.

Hopefully.